Outer Space Conspiracy!
I know, it sounds like this writer has been watching reruns of the X Files while drinking Electric Kool Aid, but there really is a Zombie Satellite, and it really can liaise with your TV. Let me state the facts…
Zombie refers to dead, and that’s what the satellite is, dead, but it…won’t…stop…working! The satellite, name of Galaxy 15, is an orbiter for Intelsat, which makes it a communications satellite.
The malfunction (read death) of the satellite was caused by a solar flare. Solar flares, for those of you who don’t know, are burps of the sun caused when old Sol cleans house and rearranges its magnetic functions. It is the cosmic equivalent of putting your head in a microwave.
The head, in this case, was Galaxy 15, and the result is a satellite that is dead, but, like that pink bunny that won’t stop, just keeps doing its duty.
It’s duty, in the refried tostado that goes for its brain, is inclusive of communicating with TV programming.
That’s right, kiddies, our lovable rogue of a Zombie Satellite has the ability to reach right into the brains of your TV and…readjust it!
Now comes the question…is this an evil plot? Is this a conspiracy by centrist forces (you can’t be much more centrist than the sun!) to take over our electronic brains, reprogram our biological brains, and create a (choke) New Universe Order?
Fortunately, having been forewarned, citizens of the United States and the world can prepare themselves.
When fall programming hits the airwaves, beware. That mindless sitcom may be part of a Zombie Plot.
The end of that championship game may take on a different score in Virtual Reality.
And even Oprah, our beloved Oprah, may become nothing more than a pawn in game of intergalactic scope, a game in which a Zombie Satellite attempts to write over our own inglorious and mindful pursuits.
Now you know the facts, and now you can prepare yourself for the future, a future in which Pink Bunnies educate us and Oprah puts out a magazine.