Up Against the Wall…Milk!
You think I’m kidding, right?
Police raided Rawsome Foods (store) in Los Angles. Their purpose? Milk. Not to drink, not to take pictures of themselves with little, white mustaches and pose for pictures for ‘Got Milk’ ads, but because…well, uh…because! That’s why!
Raw foods, you see, just has to be the latest conspiracy to rock America to the heels of it’s blue suede shoes.
Milk, after all, is a dangerous product. It might provide enough calcium to make teeth strong enough that people don’t have to go to the dentist. That would be a threat to dentists everywhere. The American Dental Association could not be reached for comment.
And those greens, they might lend themselves to stronger constitutions requiring less visits to the doctor. This would threaten the income of doctors everywhere, and maybe even undermine entire hospitals! The American Medical Association could not be reached for comment.
The real danger, of course, is that lack of pesticides, preservatives and coloring agents (oh, those Reds! I just knew it was a commie plot!) might undermine sales of Viagra, Cialis and all the other products that lets Americans hold their, uh, heads high. Pharmacists everywhere are keeping mum on this one, thus lending credence to yet another branch of the massive conspiracy.
Now, fun aside, the raid actually happened in July of this year. Unfortunately, I must have been watching Fox News, or maybe a branch of the mainstream media, or perhaps shining my shoes (I wear New Balance, they don’t shine too good, but at least it keeps me busy, right?) because I missed the initial public outrage, the media condemnation, and the police hanging their heads in shame and protesting that they were just following orders.
At any rate, the police did enter the premises with guns drawn, stormed past the nuts and arrested milk with large jugs. Uh, jugs of milk. You know what I mean.
And, one must ask the (seemingly) eternal question: why?
Why would the police be needed to enforce laws concerning raw food?
Does the FDA really need such an assist?
I mean, maybe there really was a good reason, but the FDA could not be reached for comment, and the police…well, a couple of dozen of them were seen allegedly trying to squeeze into one compact car under a tent.
And the marijuana store down the street? Business as usual. Lot of sick people in Los Angeles, I guess.
Must be the milk.
Interested parties can view the youtube at
Al Case can be visited at his website, TheDailyNeutron.com