I Got Your World Problems Right Here!
Speaking of America and political parties, have you walked through your grocery store lately? You know the place I mean…the store with high prices.
Have you ever considered how much of the store is actually food?
One aisle of fruits and veggies, one aisle of canned goods, there’s a meat counter at the back, with the rest of the wall taken up by hamburger and chicken and all that stuff.
So if your grocery store has ten aisles, seven have nothing to do with food. The word grocery pertains to food, but seven aisles of groceries have to do with toilet paper and cough medicine and magazines and soda pop and dog food and other sorts of bushwah.
So you come home with ten bags of groceries, and of those groceries only 3/10ths is actual food. And the price, to be conservative, we will put at $200.
So here is a test for you. Go to the store and buy only food. No briquets, no treats, no ice cream. I’ll allow you toilet paper (wipe that perspiration off your forehead), but that’s all.
Well, I shouldn’t say that’s all. You can probably justify salt, or matches, but don’t start justifying too much, this is a test, you know.
Now, you can probably fit those groceries in three bags–and you only paid 3/10ths of $200, or $60.
And, you can live off of what you bought.
And, as a matter of fact, if you did this for a while, one would hope that you would probably stop buying some of those expensive prepared foods, like TV dinners and Mama Buyalots Special Diet Soups, and start buying things like potatoes, carrots, hamburger, and you would learn to make your own stews. Heck, you might even buy flour and learn how to make your own cakes!
Pretty good idea, eh? And, to tell you the truth, I started thinking about the 3/10ths rule in relation to the rest of my life.
I started looking around my house, and I realized that I could live without 7/10ths of the junk there. Here’s a short list:
old books and magazines
a printing press (I was going to print my own money and issue it, call it the Al Reserve Note–no law against it, right?)
a lawnmower I’ve been meaning to fix
several extra remotes (they breed, those pesky things do!)
paperwork I’ve been meaning to throw out
an extra set of silverware
a ton of DVDs (made worthless by that durned Netflix bunch)
replacement parts and software for every computer upgrade under the sun
all sorts of bones the dogs have left around and…I’ve got two dogs! But wait a minute, the wife wouldn’t let me throw out one of the dogs. And I don’t have two wives, so I couldn’t throw one of them out. Hmmm. Let me think about this.
Anyway, the list goes on.
And the point is that my house is 7/10ths excess stuff.
Then I went out to the car. I’ve got heating and air conditioning, that’s okay, but I also have engine lights that don’t work (they never go off, at least). I also have lights for the seat belts, electric windows, electric outlets and seat warmers and…no doubt about it, I could trade that car in for a simpler model and be down to 3/10ths of a car easily. In fact, if I I traded my luxury beast worth $20K for a slimmed down model worth $10K, the dealer would be paying me money! Okay, I’ll head down to the car dealership after lunch and order a box on wheels, with the only concession to luxury being roll up (down?) windows.
But why should it stop with me? Why not inflict…uh, persuade my neighbors that they need to uh, I don’t want to use the word austerity…get economical! Get lean and efficient! That’s right, I’ll just convince them that they have to be lean and…hmmm. They probably won’t want to do that. People can be such knuckleheads.
Okay, I’ll go after the guvmint! Heck the guvmint is the lowest common dominator of hooman bean, and the guvmint is so far over 3/10ths, and guvmint is the whipping boy. Heck, ANYBODY can say bad things about the guvmint and get away with it. So I’ll start writing nasty letters and put my congrossman on speed dial, and I’ll start pushing for the govmint to get rid of everything that doesn’t turn a profit. We could probably lose 7/10ths of the congrossmen and bureaucraps pretty durned easy, and not even know they were gone!
And whoever is left can pass laws that since the guvmint is sliming down, so shall we all! That will handle my durned naybors!
Okay. Problem solved. Uh, almost.
I just realized that if we get rid of 7/10ths of everything, 7/10ths of the people will be out of work. Can’t afford to feed that bunch of lazy, out of work slackers, they aren’t paying anything into the tax base, just take up valuable resources and–
I’ve got it! We’ll just tell all the white people to go home! To return to the country from which their forebears were reared!
Heck, I’m white, so I can say that…it’s not like I’m a racist, and, anyway…I’m a political movement now! I can say anything I want, and it doesn’t matter if it is stupid…the TV folks will just love it! (Heck, let’s face it, the more stupid it is the more the TV people love it!)
Okay, everything is settled. I have just solved everything from higher taxes to global warming. Nothing left to do but implement it. Just pick a name for my movement and get started.
Hmmm. Names. Names. A political party like the one I’m planning is vital to the nation’s survival, but I have to appeal to the neanderthalic meat eaters amongst us, and the idea for this party got its start while I was walking down the vegetable section of my supermarket, and it’s got to be aimed at all men and women…so the party is vital, meat eaters, vegetable section, men and women…I’ve got it! The name of my new 3/10ths effective political party is going to the Vitameatavegamin Party!